The Three Rules to Midlife Happiness

The 3 Basic Rules to Ensure Your Midlife Happiness

Rule 1: Be happy in your own Time

Some people find it hard to accept that they are growing older, they seek perpetual youth.

Some have facelifts, botox injections, boob jobs, bum lifts and other cosmetic surgery to try to keep the ravages of time at bay. This may look very attractive for a time but often ends with the person looking a parody of his or her previous self. ‘Trout pout’ anyone?

Some wear clothes that would look much better on their children (rule 1a – If you are old enough to have worn it when it was in fashion last time around, don’t wear it this time!).

Some people in midlife decide to start again with a younger partner – ‘Cougar’ women take a toyboy, midlife men might opt for a 20 something female with long legs. Whilst this might seem attractive in the short term, once the initial excitement has died down, the couple find themselves living together with little in common. They watched different TV programmes when they were children, they grew up listening to different music and they wore different styles of clothes – they come from different ‘times’ and unless they are very fortunate, they are very unlikely to feel comfortable with each other in the long term.

Rule 2: Be happy in your own Skin

We are all born with the hand of cards that we are given. Some will grow up as beautiful people, others won’t. Some will become thought leaders in their spheres, most won’t.

‘Show me the boy and I will show you the man’, a popular saying that rings very true. Most of us don’t change greatly as we get older, we play the hand that we were dealt.

Many people, though, are not happy with the cards that they were dealt and call ‘foul’. Most women (and quite a few men) are not happy with some aspects of their looks. Some go to great lengths to change their appearance. This goes far beyond trying to keep their youth (see Rule 1) and is an attempt to change their looks, to give themselves characteristics that they wished they’d been born with.

Whilst some attempts at remodelling your looks can be beneficial, particularly for self-esteem and confidence, it is important to draw the line.

A midlife crisis is often triggered by a person not being able to come to terms with living in their own skin.

Rule 3: Be happy in your own Life

Many people feel that they need to ‘fit in’, that they need to conform to a norm with which they aren’t really comfortable. Teenagers, in particular, feel that they must be part of a crowd and fall victim to peer pressure. Their friends all have tattoos, so they feel that they should have tattoos, even if they don’t like them (and will regret having them in later life, particularly if they include someone’s name!)

Midlifers are less inclined to worry about peer pressure but the ‘green-eyed monster’ of jealousy is a very real part of the life of many people in midlife. We all lead different lives and however happy we are, however well off we are, there will always be people who seem to be doing better than us. Some of them will indeed be doing better than us, either because they were dealt a better hand at birth (see Rule 2) or because they work harder than we do (often both).

The grass always seems greener in somebody else’s life. However, when the green-eyed monster rears its head, take a few moments to consider the other aspects of the person’s life – these may not be quite so rosy. Your rich friend may be doing very nicely in the big house, driving the expensive car but behind closed doors their relationship may be falling apart. Their kids might be taking drugs and mixing with the wrong ‘friends’.

Don’t try to ‘keep up with the Jones’ out of jealousy, to make yourself look better or more acceptable to your friends. You may find yourself deeply in debt if you overstretch yourself unnecessarily.

To be happy in your life, accept what you have – but don’t let that stop you from striving to achieve greatness. There is a difference between making the most of your life and trying to live your life imitating someone else.

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance is available from the members of The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for? Join here FREE!

Six Midlife Career Change Tips – an Unconventional View

There is an increasing amount of advice available to people in midlife who are looking to find a new job or change careers. Rob Bennett, of PassionSaving.com offers six career change tips which are less conventional than most of the advice on offer. See what you think.

1.       Unconventional midlife career change tip 1: Each day you remain at a job you don’t love because the money is good you fall farther behind on your long-term quest for financial freedom.

Rob contends that remaining in a job because the pay and benefits are good overlooks the importance of recognising ‘what you learn’ from your job. If you aren’t learning in your current role you will be falling behind your peers who are in jobs where training and learning are considered essential. The financial risks of staying at a job where you are not continuing to learn are often greater than the financial risks of making a well-planned move to something you enjoy more.

2.       Unconventional midlife career change tip 2: Don’t take the “Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow” maxim too seriously.

Whilst this may be true, in most cases, it does not establish WHEN the money will follow. A sound financial plan is required to ensure that the new job or project is given enough time to mature and provide the expected financial rewards.

3.       Unconventional midlife career change tip 3: Focus not on work issues but on money issues.

However much you plan, however much you feel you are suited to the new job, you have not done enough to take the risk involved in handing in a resignation from your current job in pursuit of a mid-life career change.

You must put a financial plan in place to smooth out both the current and future transitions. If you don’t, there is a good chance that a few years down the road you will be back in the same sorts of circumstances that caused you to want to make the first midlife career change.

4.       Unconventional midlife career change tip 4: Understand that the real reason for your job dissatisfaction lies within.

Rob’s view here is that it isn’t a bad boss or a bad company culture that causes you to want a midlife career change – it’s you!

There are of course outside forces that play a role in causing you to be dissatisfied in your career and there are bad bosses and some pretty awful company cultures. But those outside forces are not usually the primary factor in causing job dissatisfaction, and it is important for you to understand what the primary factor is if you hope to pull off a successful midlife career change.

It is natural and good to feel dissatisfaction about a job after you have been in it a number of years. It is the desire to learn and grow that is causing you to become dissatisfied with a career that no longer provides the challenge it once did. The surprising thing would be if you never felt a need to pursue a mid-life career change.

5.       Unconventional midlife career change tip 5: Be wary of quick solutions to the problems causing your feelings of dissatisfaction.

It makes perfect sense to seek a new career after mastering an earlier one or finding that one is not suited for the earlier one. The issue to beware of is that there is a good chance that the frustrations experienced in the earlier role will recur, this time when you are older and have fewer fresh-start options open to you.

The best approach is to gain some level of financial freedom before making the switch to a new role. Not always possible, of course, but if this can be attained, then the pressures on you will be greatly reduced. It is by reducing the extent to which one needs to work for money that one obtains the best possible long-term assurance of being able to spend one's time doing soul-satisfying work.

6.       Unconventional midlife career change tip 6: Understand that what you really need is not career planning alone, but a combination of career and financial planning.

Financial planning on its own doesn’t work. Career planning on its own doesn’t work. It is a combination of the two which works best. If you can build a nest egg you have more control over your career options.

Yes, you need to change careers. But you might want to slow down in your implementation of the plan and make sure that the solution you come up with is one that will serve you well for a long time to come. To make a successful mid-life career change, you need not just a job-change plan, but a money-change plan too. Let’s call it your Life Plan!

Read the full article here: www.passionsaving.com

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for? Join hereFREE!

Please take 1 minute to complete the 2010 Mid Life Survey: Click here

Your Midlife Happiness – the 3 Basic Rules

The 3 Basic Rules to Ensure Your Midlife Happiness

Rule 1: Be happy in your own Skin

We are all born with the hand of cards that we are given. Some will grow up as beautiful people, others won’t. Some will become thought leaders in their spheres, most won’t.

‘Show me the boy and I will show you the man’, a popular saying that rings very true. Most of us don’t change greatly as we get older, we play the hand that we were dealt.

Many people, though, are not happy with the cards that they were dealt and call ‘foul’. Most women (and quite a few men) are not happy with some aspects of their looks. Some go to great lengths to change their appearance with nose jobs, boob jobs, tummy tucks and all kinds of plastic surgery. This goes far beyond trying to keep their youth (see Rule 2) and is an attempt to change their looks, to give themselves characteristics that they wished they’d been born with.

Whilst some attempts at remodelling your looks can be beneficial, particularly for self-esteem and confidence, it is important to draw the line.

A midlife crisis is often triggered by a person not being able to come to terms with living in their own skin.

Rule 2: Be happy in your own Time

Some people find it hard to accept that they are growing older, they seek perpetual youth.

Some have facelifts, botox injections and other cosmetic surgery to try to keep the ravages of time at bay. This may look very attractive for a time but often ends with the person looking a parody of his or her previous self. ‘Trout pout’ anyone?

Some wear clothes that would look much better on their children (rule 1a – If you are old enough to have worn it when it was in fashion last time around, don’t wear it this time!).

Some people in midlife decide to start again with a younger partner – ‘Cougar’ women take a toyboy, midlife men might opt for a 20 something female with long legs. Whilst this might seem attractive in the short term, once the initial excitement has died down, the couple find themselves living together with little in common. They watched different TV programmes when they were children, they grew up listening to different music and they wore different styles of clothes – they come from different ‘times’ and unless they are very fortunate, they are very unlikely to feel comfortable with each other in the long term.

Rule 3: Be happy in your own Life

Many people feel that they need to ‘fit in’, that they need to conform to a norm with which they aren’t really comfortable. Teenagers, in particular, feel that they must be part of a crowd and fall victim to peer pressure. Their friends all have tattoos, so they feel that they should have tattoos, even if they don’t like them (and will regret having them in later life, particularly if they include someone’s name!)

Midlifers are less inclined to worry about peer pressure but the ‘green-eyed monster’ of jealousy is a very real part of the life of many people in midlife. We all lead different lives and however happy we are, however well off we are, there will always be people who seem to be doing better than us. Some of them will indeed be doing better than us, either because they were dealt a better hand at birth (see Rule 1) or because they work harder than we do (often both).

The grass always seems greener in somebody else’s life. However, when the green-eyed monster rears its head, take a few moments to consider the other aspects of the person’s life – these may not be quite so rosy. Your rich friend may be doing very nicely in the big house, driving the expensive car but behind closed doors their relationship may be falling apart. Their kids might be taking drugs and mixing with the wrong ‘friends’.

Don’t try to ‘keep up with the Jones’ out of jealousy, to make yourself look better or more acceptable to your friends. You may find yourself deeply in debt if you overstretch yourself unnecessarily.

To be happy in your life, accept what you have – but don’t let that stop you from striving to achieve greatness. There is a difference between making the most of your life and trying to live your life imitating someone else.

=======================================

The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for? Join here FREE!

Please take 1 minute to complete the 2010 Mid Life Survey: Click here

When Relationships And Marriages Go Wrong in Mid Life – Steps To Bring It Back From The Brink

Guest post by Dana Flannery

The two most common times for a marriage to break down is after the birth of the first child, and as the last child leaves home.  Sex, infidelity, boredom, finances or even just the endless towels on the bathroom floor, marriages and relationships go wrong for so many reasons. The mid-life breakdown is often the most complicated and difficult as it corresponds with such a tumultuous time in your life.  No matter what the reason, once you start to see the signs, you need to take action to turn it around before it’s too late.

1. Marriage Counselling.  It can be a hard task to get your partner to agree to marriage counselling but, if necessary, you can attend alone.  A good marriage counsellor is not so concerned with who did what to whom, but more interested in resolving your communication and emotional problems.  Marriage Counselling can be tough, you will be forced to examine your own behaviours (and your partner will be required to examine their behaviours, too) to make the changes necessary to get back on track.  Often the counsellor will see you together (if both parties are willing) and then individually before helping you to resolve your issues.

2. Use the “I feel, I need” method of conflict resolution.  You may feel like you are constantly asking for help and constantly being ignored.  This is, more often than not, a communication problem rather than meanness or apathy on the part of your partner.  The “I feel, I need” method is a proven way to cut down on communication problems and is a favourite of cognitive psychologists.  All conflict resolutions should be structured as “I feel (emotion), I need (solution to problem).  For example, “I feel stagnated, I need more freedom to explore my interests” – not, “This marriage bores me”.  Once you commence using this structure you may learn that you have more trouble identifying your emotions than you once thought and this can be a particularly helpful way to manage excessive anger or frustration. 

3. Listen.  Don’t just hear what your partner is saying; listen to how he/she is feeling.  Try to determine if he/she is really upset about a single incident or if it is a sign of an underlying frustration.  For example, your partner may say “I am sick of you working all weekend” may simply mean, “I feel sad because I miss you and love you and want to spend more quality time with you.” 

4. Have a dirty weekend!  It may sound a bit ridiculous but revisiting the excitement and fun of your early sexual relationship will bring back happy memories and fond feelings.  Don’t be afraid to try something new in the bedroom and ask your partner what they would like.  Ensure plenty of give and take and spend time ensuring both you and your partner thoroughly enjoy the experience. 

5. Find something new that you have in common.  Take time out to try new hobbies and interests that you can share.  This will go a long way to introducing new conversation and renewed enthusiasm for each other’s company. 

6. Forgive.  Agree to wipe the slate clean for both parties and put in place strategies to avoid ending up in the same unhappy place again.  This is going to be tough but just keep telling yourself that if it’s worth saving, it’s worth a little sacrifice – for both of you. 

Even if you are currently happy, it never hurts to put some measures in place to save your relationship or marriage in the future.  Sex, Love, Relationships, Marriages – it’s all very complicated, sometimes it just takes a little extra work to bring back that spark.

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About the Author:  Dana Flannery is a happily married Marriage Celebrant who has helped many couples who have survived bad patches and gone on to lovingly renew their wedding vows.  Find out more about Dana at Brisbane Civil Celebrant

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for?

Please take 1 minute to complete the 2010 Mid Life Survey: Click here

Mid Life Happiness – the 3 Basic Rules

There are 3 basic rules to ensure midlife happiness:


Rule 1: Be happy in your own time
Some people find it hard to accept that they are growing older, they seek perpetual youth.

Some have facelifts, botox injections and other cosmetic surgery to try to keep the ravages of time at bay. This may look very attractive for a time but often ends with the person looking a parody of his or her previous self. ‘Trout pout’ anyone?

Some wear clothes that would look much better on their children (rule 1a – If you are old enough to have worn it when it was in fashion last time around, don’t wear it this time!).

Some people in midlife decide to start again with a younger partner – ‘Cougar’ women take a toyboy, midlife men might opt for a 20 something female with long legs. Whilst this might seem attractive in the short term, once the initial excitement has died down, the couple find themselves living together with little in common. They watched different TV programmes when they were children, they grew up listening to different music and they wore different styles of clothes – they come from different ‘times’ and unless they are very fortunate, they are very unlikely to feel comfortable with each other in the long term.

Rule 2: Be happy in your own skin
We are all born with the hand of cards that we are given. Some will grow up as beautiful people, others won’t. Some will become thought leaders in their spheres, most won’t.

‘Show me the boy and I will show you the man’, a popular saying that rings very true. Most of us don’t change greatly as we get older, we play the hand that we were dealt.

Many people, though, are not happy with the cards that they were dealt and call ‘foul’. Most women are not happy with some aspects of their looks. Some go to great lengths to change their appearance with nose jobs, boob jobs, tummy tucks and all kinds of plastic surgery. This goes far beyond trying to keep their youth (see Rule 1) and is an attempt to change their looks, to give themselves characteristics that they wished they’d been born with.

Whilst some attempts at remodelling your looks can be beneficial, particularly for self-esteem and confidence, it is important to draw the line.

A midlife crisis is often triggered by a person not being able to come to terms with living in their own skin.

Rule 3: Be happy in your own life
Many people feel that they need to ‘fit in’, that they need to conform to a norm with which they aren’t really comfortable. Teenagers, in particular, feel that they must be part of a crowd and fall victim to peer pressure. Their friends all have tattoos, so they feel that they should have tattoos, even if they don’t like them (and will regret having them in later life, particularly if they include someone’s name!)

Midlifers are less inclined to worry about peer pressure but the ‘green-eyed monster’ of jealousy is a very real part of the life of many people in midlife. We all lead different lives and however happy we are, however well off we are, there will always be people who seem to be doing better than us. Some of them will indeed be doing better than us, either because they were dealt a better hand at birth (see Rule 2) or because they work harder than we do (often both).

The grass always seems greener in somebody else’s life. However, when the green-eyed monster rears its head, take a few moments to consider the other aspects of the person’s life – these may not be quite so rosy. Your rich friend may be doing very nicely in the big house, driving the expensive car but behind closed doors their relationship may be falling apart. Their kids might be taking drugs and mixing with the wrong ‘friends’.

Don’t try to ‘keep up with the Jones’ out of jealousy, to make yourself look better or more acceptable to your friends. You may find yourself deeply in debt if you overstretch yourself unnecessarily.

To be happy in your life, accept what you have – but don’t let that stop you from striving to achieve greatness. There is a difference between making the most of your life and trying to live your life imitating someone else.


What do you think? Please leave a comment. Thanks, Rob

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for?

If you would like some help now with aspects of your life, contact Better Life Coaching: www.betterlifecoaching.co.uk