Midlife achievement

Here is a recent post by Seth Godin:

Accepting false limits

I will never be able to dunk a basketball.
This is beyond discussion.
Imagine, though, a co-worker who says, "I'll never be able to use a knife and fork. No, I have to use my hands."
Or a colleague who says, "I can't possibly learn Chinese. I'm not smart enough."
This is a mystery to me. A billion people have learned Chinese, and the failure rate for new kids is close to zero. If a well functioning adult puts in sufficient time and the effort, she''ll succeed.
The key to this disconnect is the unspoken part about time and effort and fear. I agree that you will never ship that product or close that sale or invent that device unless you put in the time and put in the effort and overcome the fear. But I don't accept for a minute that there's some sort of natural limit on your ability to do just about anything that involves creating and selling ideas.
This attitude gets me in trouble sometimes. Perhaps I shouldn't be pushing people who want something but have been taught not to push themselves. Somewhere along the way, it seems, I forgot that it's none of my business if people choose to accept what they've got, to forget their dreams and to not seek to help those around them achieve what matters to them.
Not sure if you'll forgive me, but no, I'm not going to believe that only a few people are permitted to be gatekeepers or creators or generous leaders. I have no intention of apologizing for believing in people, for insisting that we all use this moment and these assets to create some art and improve the world around us.
To do anything less than that is a crime.


This excellent observation from Seth is particularly appropriate to people in midlife. How often have we heard colleagues say 'I can't, because of my age/experience/lack of experience/etc.' How often have we said similar things ourselves?

Yes, it takes effort and no, you won't always succeed, but push your midlife self to try!

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Rob Horlock has established The Mid Life Opportunity (www.midlifeop.com), a community for people in Midlife. Advice and Guidance is available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join - click here

The Midlife Survey Results

The Mid Life Survey has been running for a year now so here are the headline annual results. Where comparisons are given, these relate to the previous results in June 2010.

Survey Respondents’ Profile:

Male: 38%,  Female: 62%

Age: 30-40: 11%, 40-50: 39%, 50-60 39%, other: 11%

Location: UK 44%, USA 39%, Europe 7%, Canada 3%, Australia 3%, Other 4%

Q1 - Happiness with Life:

46% of respondents were either happy or very happy with their lives at the moment, down from 55% previously. A further 32% were ‘OK.’ The remainder were either unhappy or very unhappy

Q2 - How is your Relationship?

26% of respondents said that they were happy and 27% said that they were in love (down from 32%). Perhaps more worryingly, 15% said that ‘they don’t do relationships’. 23% were just ‘OK’.

Comments in this section included:

'I am going to therapy to learn how to be less dependent on my wife to feel happy.'

'It's complicated!'

'Going thru financial hardships has made a huge impact on our marriage. Ever since we had our daughter almost 10 years ago, we have just been gonig thru the motions rather than being an affectionate married couple.'

‘31 years of marriage both now have a PHD in marriage’

‘I feel fortunate to have a partnership that works. Not that there are not disagreements, there are. We just know how to solve them.’

Q3 – Will your Pension provide for you?

A worryingly high 23% of respondents don’t have a pension (down from 26%), while 26% felt that their pension would cover their needs in later life (up from 22%). 27% regretted not saving more during their earlier years. 21% had other investments, either instead of, or as well as, a pension.

Comment in this section included:

‘We are never retiring but hope to get refired!’ (love it!)

‘I'm hopeful that my financial situation will change. However, I know it is up to me to make it change’

‘I am still saving and investing’

'I'll get by. But I'm not sure how my wife and I both will deal with having to down size.'

'You must be kidding!'

'I got half of our retirement savings, but the stock market ate half of that. We'd planned to do most of our savings as his career took full swing. The problem is that it took full swing and then we divorced.'

‘I am working on passive income and believe it will cover expenses plus more.’

Q4- How Healthy are you?

42% said that they were OK for their age and 26% felt they were Pretty Fit. 23% were overweight, to some extent. 2% said that they could ‘Run a Marathon’.

One respondent had a problem this question, as they felt that someone who is overweight could still run a marathon. I completely accept that this is quite true and I wasn’t trying to mislead when I wrote the questions.

Q5-Is your life better or worse than your parents lives?

This question caused confusion for several people and when I rerun the survey I will reword it. Some respondents felt that there should be a distinction between the financial side of their lives and the emotional/satisfaction side of things.

Overall 86% felt that their lives were better than their parents’ lives.

Comments in this section included:

‘There should be "about the same" choice here. My parents had a nice life, and mine is nice too. Not really better or worse. I did not have children, and they raised myself and my siblings - so their young life might have been worse than mine.’

‘My dad made enough for my mom to stay home w/the 2 kids, but they went without a lot of stuff. Both my husband and I work (I'm in my own business, coming up on year 2) so the money's not always there, and that adds a lot of stress to him.’

‘My dad was a happy person and my mother was very unhappy. It was a big division they could never figure out.’

‘Much more emotionally healthy but not better financially yet.’

'this is a little too absolute. It's different - better in some contexts, worse in others.'

'I think I'm happier, but they are wealthier'

'Unemployed at 57'

'My parents had the perfect marriage. My father died a few years ago (at 59 way too young), so trying to live up to that type of happiness has also been a strain (this is ME comparing our marriage to theirs, not my husband comparing)'

Q6- How do you feel about your Life in General?

57% are looking forward to the rest of their lives (down from 63%) and 27% feel that ‘the best is yet to come’ (many of these will be the same people). 16% wish they’d studied harder when they were young (up from 7%) and 26% are worried about the rest of their lives (up from 18%). A strong theme was a worry about the world that their children will live in with 20% indicating this.

Comments in this section included:

‘I can't keep worrying about "what had happened", because it's in the past - so it can't be changed. It can be learned from, however, so hopefully I'll continue to grow as I ripen with age. I do worry about the world my kids are inheriting, but hopefully we'll give them the tools they'll need to make a difference :)’

‘I am concerned about the problems my kids and grand kids run up against, but I am not worried. I actively work to make it better.’

'The best is really right now and it's all been so good--this said with my advanced transformation hat on--and what's to come will be juicy and delicious, no modifiers need apply.'

'I am looking forward for the rest of my life, but I am worried that my wife and I may not be happy together. We've been married 24 years and have 1 daughter in college. We've been through a lot together, Good and Bad, but I'm not sure how we can fall back in love. That is important to me, but I don't think it is with her.'

Conclusions:

So what do we conclude from this survey? Overall, there was a broad spectrum of responses with the majority of midlifers feeling that their lives are going 'OK to Well', although this has declined since last June, when the previous survey results were published. A worrying number continue to feel that their financial provision could be better. Given the state of the world economy, that’s not a huge surprise.

Relationships are a very mixed bag, probably reflecting the fact that many midlifers will have ended a long term relationship (either willingly or unwillingly). I was surprised to see that almost a fifth of respondents ‘don’t do relationships’. It would be interesting to probe deeper into those responses.

It’s encouraging that the majority of midlifers are looking forward to the rest of their lives. Equally encouraging is the concern over the world that our children and grandchildren will live in and the hope is that some of us will actively try to make this better.

I will shortly be setting up the new Mid Life Survey so if you have any questions that you would like me to include, please let me know.

Rob Horlock

The Mid Life Opportunity www.MidLifeOp.com

Now here is this week's 'sexist' joke:

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. 

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. 

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies. 

'Put them back, we can't afford them demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. 

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. 

What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. 

'It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife. 

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

He never knew what hit him....

I'm too busy ...

Rhubarb Cottage, The Custards, Lyndhurst

We have a holiday cottage in The New Forest which we rent out to people to use for their holidays. The New Forest is a popular all round destination so the cottage is booked throughout the year. Twice in the last week we have had enquiries for weeks that are already booked and the reply from the disappointed enquirer was almost the same in both cases – along the lines of ‘Oh dear, I’m too late again because I’m so busy. I always seem to miss out.’

After I’d spoken to the second disappointed enquirer, I pondered on whether they actually had very busy lives (don’t we all?) or whether they were just hopelessly disorganised. I suspect it’s the latter.
Are you too busy or are you disorganised? (or even worse, both).

So what’s to do?

1. Make a List – write down the tasks that you need to complete. My wife always laughs when she sees me writing my list, but it works for me. If you write it down, you don’t have to rely on your memory – you can keep your brain free for more important activity!
2. Prioritise – identify which tasks are more important than others and make sure that you complete these.
3. Urgent versus Important – is the task urgent (you need to get it done quickly) or important (it must be done)? If you find yourself with lots of urgent tasks, what does that tell you about the way you work? There’s a lesson there somewhere …
4. Delegate – what must you do yourself and what can you delegate? Nobody to delegate to? What about using a Virtual Assistant? In these difficult times, there are plenty of good VAs who will be able to assist you.
5. Push Back – Do you say ‘Yes’ to every request that comes your way? Don’t be afraid to say ‘No’ sometimes and suggest an alternative way of doing the task.
6. Concentrate and Focus – do you find yourself taking 4 hours to complete a task that takes someone else half the time? Why is this? Do you get side tracked (by email, Twitter, chatting?). Focus!
7. Don’t dabble in too many things at once – it’s tempting to think that you can do several tasks at once. Of course, we can multi task (even us men…) but don’t spread yourself too thinly.

There are many other ways to organise yourself and cut down on your daily grind. What suggestions do you have to add to the list (we can’t leave this as a list of 7, it’s an odd number!)

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Rob Horlock has established The Mid Life Opportunity (www.midlifeop.com), a community for people in Midlife. Advice and Guidance is available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join - click here

"I'm in Midlife and Worried About Losing My Job"

Worried about losing your job? Take some lessons from nature:

Many parts of the world regularly suffer from drought and famine and the local people and wildlife adopt well rehearsed strategies in order to survive:

• They use their resources sparingly
• They may migrate to regions which have more abundance. The annual migration of the wildebeest in Africa is one of best known examples of this.
• They understand and anticipate the side effects. These may range from an increase in disease or plagues of mosquitoes and locusts, to a rise in food prices (exacerbating the situation) and on to land degradation, bush fires and ultimately,  social conflict and widespread death and destruction
• They adapt, as best they can, to their new, temporary environment
• They take advantage of unexpected opportunities – crocodiles and lions wait in ambush for the migrating wildebeest
• Outside agencies attempt to alleviate the problems or at least, reduce the effects – Aid Agencies and other NGOs offer food and shelter in the worst effected regions.

In these difficult economic time, what lessons can we learn from the natural world?

• They use their resources sparingly – This lesson has obviously been learned by most of us. Spending is down (which is, of course, prolongs the recession), many people are overpaying their mortgages every month and credit card debt is being paid off faster than before. ‘Eating In’ is the new ‘Going Out’ and the large supermarkets and take away chains are the main beneficiaries. In the workplace, budgets are being cut and we are all asked to ‘do more with less’.
• They may migrate to regions which have more abundance – Many people will look around for a new job, either at home or abroad. Whilst vacancies are more limited at the moment, if you have strong transferable skills, you are better placed than most to take advantage of new opportunities.
• They understand and anticipate the side effects – The side effects, of course, include redundancies, and longer working hours for those who survive the cull. Personal relationships may suffer as a result of this and you must recognise if this is becoming an issue in your own relationship, both at work and (more importantly) at home.
• They adapt, as best they can, to their new, temporary environment – this point is absolutely key to your survival during this recession. Here are some thoughts for your consideration:

1. Network

Make sure you get to know as many managers as possible in your organisation and make sure they know who you are. This means getting outside of you own department!

2. Operate above your payscale

Offer suggestions to your boss, offer to make presentations at departmental meetings. Take the initiative and start (or carry on) doing things that your boss should be doing but for which you can take responsibility.

3. Make yourself indispensable

Help your line manager as much as you can. If you’ve moved around in the department, help those who are currently working in an area where you’ve worked previously (without annoying them, of course).

4. Go the extra mile

If your line manager asks you to help him/her prepare for a board meeting, for example, go the extra mile and prepare some presentation slides too. They may not be the finished article but it’s much easier to finesse something that already exists than to start with a blank piece of paper.

5. Socialise with your colleagues

Integrate with your colleagues. Go for a drink after work. Get involved in societies and clubs. You never know who you might meet and the deeper you dig yourself into the fabric of the organisation, the more difficult it becomes to do without you.

·         They take advantage of unexpected opportunities – If your line manager leaves, for whatever reason, you may find yourself running the team in a ‘holding capacity’. Take the initiative and do more than just ‘hold the fort’. Make your own decisions and add your own stamp to the team. In times of recession, it is more likely that you will be offered the job permanently, if you show promise, rather than recruiting externally.

Budget cuts may also offer opportunities for you to develop skills which are currently under-utilised.

• Outside agencies attempt to alleviate the problems or at least, reduce the effects – In the business world, the government(s) is responsible for tackling the recession. They do this in a number of ways. Currently, interest rates are extremely low. If you have a mortgage that’s not on a fixed rate, overpay your monthly payments. You will be pleasantly surprised how this affects the length of your mortgage term. If you are on a fixed rate mortgage, check out how much you will pay in redemption fees to move to a Tracker mortgage. This may be worth your while. 

Haggle! If you’re buying something over and above the usual weekly shopping, ask for a deal. You’ll often get something off the price – it all helps!

There are many survival lessons to be learned from the natural world and a whole lot more that apply in our world. The most important lesson of all is that in YOUR life, it’s up to YOU – nobody’s going to do it for you!

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Rob Horlock has established The Mid Life Opportunity (www.midlifeop.com), a community for people in Midlife. Advice and Guidance is available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join - click here

Midlife Humour - The Stella Awards

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those  unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That' s right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stellas for the past year:

* SEVENTH PLACE *

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

Start scratching!

* SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbour's hubcaps.

Scratch some more...

* FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just burgled by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open.
Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish.
Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching. There are more....

Double hand scratching after this one..

* FOURTH PLACE *

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..

* THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. Whatever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Only two more so ease up on the scratching....

* SECOND PLACE *

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000.....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.  

Ok. Here we go!!

* FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was:  Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home.

On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich.

Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned.

Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Are we, as a society, getting more stupid.....
or are more members of Congress serving on juries these days?

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Rob Horlock has established The Mid Life Opportunity (www.midlifeop.com), a community for people in Midlife. Advice and Guidance is available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join - click here

Article Marketing on Steroids

This post is slightly different from my usual posts. I’ve recently come across a great way to multiply the number of links to my site and I thought I’d share it with you. If you are into article marketing, this is for you.


Spin Distribute has created a unique article distribution system. It takes your article, creates 1000s of unique versions of it, and sends these unique articles to 1000s of relevant websites. This way you get 1000s of links from relevant websites, and Google loves you.


I have started using this and it really does work. My Google ranking has definitely improved.


You’ll find the details here: Spin Distribute


Aaron Suster, the founder of Spin Distribute is about to launch a new product called SmileySEO. It is a set of tools to help you to manage your website (and keep an eye on your competitors):

• If there is something wrong with your website, the system will immediately send you an email about it. 
• If you exchange links with someone, the system will monitor your partner to make sure the links to your website are still published. 
• You can track your position in search engines.
• You can create an analysis of your own website, or your competitor’s website. 
• You can find the best keywords to expand your business.

Details of SmilySEO are here: Smiley SEO

Yes, these are affiliate links. Regular readers will know that I rarely promote products and when I do, they are products that I know will work.


Try them and see for yourself!

How to Reignite the Spark in Midlife Relationships

Guest post by Devon Solinger Berger, CPC, ELI-MP


Midlife is often a period of time where people experience major transitions. It is perfectly normal even when it seems outrageous. If you can remember just that one statement, you are already headed down the track to peace and tranquility. The good news is that by the time you reach midlife, you have lived enough to have acquired some valuable knowledge. The key is how you utilize this knowledge to help you to not only survive, but thrive in this chapter of life.

One of the biggest relationship transitions that most people are not aware of involves the possibility that both yours and your partner’s essential human needs have shifted.  There are several human needs we all have and if all of them are being met, we are experiencing blissful fulfillment. If only some of them are being met, we are happy and content. However, if none of them are being met within the relationship, it is human nature to seek to have them met elsewhere. 

This is the list most widely accepted by relationship experts: 
- to feel loved or bonded with another person, 
- to feel important or valued, 
- security and comfort, 
- spontaneity or variety, 
- to grow and develop, 
- to make a contribution to others.

If you take a look at the list, you might begin to identify with a couple of these more than the others. If you take an even closer look at your life, you might even see how the importance of these has shifted. When you first got together with your partner, your needs may have been completely different and the reason the relationship seemed to work so well was that you were able to meet each other needs-- sometimes without even realizing it!

People’s needs change over time and we sometimes are not aware of this fact. Since we aren’t aware of it, we certainly can’t clue our partners in on the change either. 
Unconsciously, you both began seeking to have your new needs met in other ways, because your partner was not satisfying them for you.

For example, when women become mothers they can often have their need for love and bonding met in the relationship with their children. One possible consequence of this is that her partner feels excluded and unloved. To compensate, he seeks to have that need met by spending more time at work or with friends and avoids the home.

Sound familiar?  Have no fear!  The awareness alone empowers you to make a change and to save your relationship!

First, figure out what your most important needs are and how they are currently being met or not met. Then, share openly with your partner. Figure out what his or her needs are and make an effort to fulfill those needs within your relationship. This might sound a little unfair to you, but remember that it is incredibly effective AND it is the key to taking your relationship to the next level of everlasting and blissful love!


Devon Solinger Berger, CPC, ELI-MP    Art of Relationship Life Coaching
973.615.4077

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Rob Horlock has established The Mid Life Opportunity (www.midlifeop.com), a community for people in Midlife. Advice and Guidance is available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join - click here