A Solution To The Middle-Aged Blahs?

Guest Post by Suzie Hammond

So the birthday numbers keep rolling around and you’ve passed 45, and then 50, and life has definitely settled into that middle aged comfort zone.  You know the word ‘boring’ could be applied to your existence.

Some of the options we reviewed to overcome this dreaded problem were taking skydiving lessons in thunderstorms, joining a gang of rabid food co-op junkies, and turning our house into a modern artwork complete with splatter paintings inside and out.  We were afraid the splatter paint option would attract city citations we didn’t want to pay though.

So we took what seemed to be a less drastic action.  We moved.  We moved to a completely different area of the country actually, and then a few years later later to a life overseas.  We took on our middle age and made it into a lifestyle challenge.

You might want to consider it.  What would your life be like somewhere else?

The excitement of choosing a likely front running candidate for our new adventure was a bit of a secret at first.  The criteria we set was strict but similar to what most middle-age ex-hippies want;

a)  There had to be work there for people in middle age

b)  Also interesting things to do

c)  And a reasonable amount of safety for a couple who had slowed down but were still darned lively. 

d)  And of course life had to be affordable with some of our favorite comforts readily available.  (No use moving and discovering we could only afford to live in the poorest end of town.) 

Once the destination decision was made then we had to tell every one we were relocating.  Dealing with numerous howls of outrage and the helpful advice that we were mildly insane wasn’t enjoyable, but looking forward to a new life was.  Many charges of ‘middle aged crisis’ were leveled at us but we persevered, while privately worrying they might be right.

Next was the turmoil and less fun job of packing.  By middle age you’ve accumulated huge piles of ‘stuff’.  The relocating served the fabulous end of actually sorting out what was important in life.  When was the last time you used that waffle iron?  That outfit you bought 5 years ago and paid a lot of money for and wore twice?  That 1959 Ford transmission and hulk in the garage you bought 13 years ago that you were going to restore but haven’t gotten around to yet?  The universal consensus amongst people who have done it seems to be that it is amazing how free you feel when you let go of many of your things.  It somehow seems to open you up to new possibilities because you aren’t tied to useless things anymore. (The things we were sure we couldn’t live without went into storage literally and figuratively.) 

 Finding a place to live, unpacking and settling in to your new area can be a good deal of work but it serves up another overdue evaluation opportunity.  What is  comfortable for a couple or older family in terms of accommodation?  Do you really need 3500sf of house? Etc.

After a while the newness of where to find the post office and the best-priced grocery store will wear off.  Meantime fresh escapades will abound.  New friends and novel unexplored activities are there for the having. Many of these experiences we would never have had with such depth and satisfaction in our last home. (It is pretty hard to help clean up the beach on weekends if you live in landlocked croplands for instance.)

Most middle aged people who relocate find that the new place helped them grow as people in many unexpected ways. Not that people wouldn’t have grown where they were before of course.  But the figurative rising mud of complacency and easy comfort around your ankles in your old home makes it harder to look for those new experiences in your old and familiar area. 

Relocating thrusts us all into situations that insist we develop new capabilities, unless we fancy staying home and watching TV all day. The extreme solution of relocating found us making efforts to fit in and make a difference to our new communities.  Comparing notes with others we’ve found they too got involved and active more than before.

It may seem a radical solution to the situation but it was right for us and a surprisingly large slice of middle age people. Big changes in life are labeled ‘big’ for a reason. There are unexpected twists and turns to your plans.  Sometimes solving the problems requires the ingenuity displayed by our children when they were young.  With little effort they could come up with 30 ways to do anything we didn’t want them to.  We could all use more brain exercise and the challenges of relocating and making a new a new life for yourself certainly do that. 

Think it over and see if this might be a good route for you too.

Author; Suzie Hammond:   I Don't Know Where I Want to Be-- But it Isn't Here!

Midlife Depression

Guest post by Wendy Bailey

Many men and women experience the effects of a midlife crisis, however, some go through emotional and physical changes that can cause severe depression. Midlife depression differs from a midlife crisis, and it can often be more debilitating than a typical midlife transition. Many circumstances can trigger depression in someone facing a midlife change, and there are numerous forms of treatment that vary according to the individual’s needs.

What is a Midlife Crisis?

A midlife crisis generally occurs near the age of 40. Some men and women experience the change of life much earlier or much later as well. While this is considered to be a natural part of growing older, some people have difficulties dealing with the changes. In many cases, men and women who are not capable of facing the transition may become clinically depressed. When the depression becomes severe, psychotherapy is often necessary.

What Triggers Midlife Depression?

Midlife depression is triggered by a number of internal and external stress factors. These triggers range from person to person to person, and they can be caused both positive and negative experiences. In most cases, the person affected does not realize the magnitude of each situation.

Internal stress factors include:

- Low self esteem
- Anger at a significant other
- Confusion about what the future holds
- Questions and fears about the meaning of life
- Sudden discontent or boredom with lifestyle or people
- Doubt about an intimate relationship
- A feeling that something is missing

External stress factors include:

- A sudden change in job requirements
- Weddings
- Births
- Financial issues
- Family emergencies
- The death or illness of a loved one
- Changes in health
- Relationship upsets

What are the Symptoms of Midlife Depression?

Everyone experiences midlife depression in a different way. Men and women face different challenges, and their reactions to these stresses differ as well. Because a number of people ignore the feelings that are brought on by depression, it is important to identify the symptoms in order to prepare a proper treatment.

Depression symptoms include:

- Hopelessness or extremely pessimistic views
- Feelings of worthlessness
- Guilty thoughts
- Feelings of extreme helplessness or suicidal thoughts
- Loss of interest in favorite activities
- Anxiety or restlessness
- A change in sleeping or eating patterns
- Chronic physical ailments such as stomach problems or headaches

How is Midlife Depression Treated?

There are many forms of treatment for midlife depression, and each person responds differently. For some, a proactive approach is all that is needed. One of the best ways to prevent depression or limit its effects is to develop a healthy lifestyle. Positive alterations in eating and exercise habits can go a long way when it comes to preventing depression. Another way to keep depression in check is to get plenty of regularly scheduled sleep.

Developing healthy relationships is also beneficial in preventing midlife depression. In later years, it is essential to have close relationships that are born from trust and compassion. Maintaining healthy relationships allows a person to lean on someone else in times of need. This can prevent many of the depression triggers from taking a firm hold on a person’s psyche.

When the feelings of depression become severe and life-altering, it may be necessary to seek the help of a professional. A therapist can use behavioral therapy or antidepressants to curb the harmful effects of depression. In most cases, midlife depression can be remedied when the right course of action is taken. Men and women struggling with midlife depression can find happiness with the proper treatments.
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Rob Horlock has established The Mid Life Opportunity (www.midlifeop.com), a community for people in Midlife. Advice and Guidance is available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join - click here

Midlife crises and how to deal with them

Guest post by Udo Stadtsbuchler

In my work as a psychotherapist I have come across some causes for midlife crises, and one of the most common one was that men feel dissatisfied with what they had achieved and that they feel they can no longer rectify what "went wrong" in their lives.

Women main reasons for midlife crises were the onset of menopause and the empty nest syndrome, when the children had left home and no longer can be the focus point of motherly attention.

Oftentimes midlife crises for both sexes are temporary, and then life continues almost as before. But very often it has a very negative and lasting effect on the person and their families. These were the cases I mostly dealt with. Luckily all of them were resolved successfully. Here are some examples.

George (not his real name) is a typical example. He is in his early 50s, employed in middle management position in a "young" industry. His eldest son is on a similar dead end career path, his younger son works only occasionally whenever he feels like it. His wife is working in a very well paid and secure job. George buys himself a bike – you guessed it, it's a Harley Davidson – joins a biker club and now spends all of his spare time with his fellow club members. He completely neglects his wife and shows no interest in his sons. His wife endures this for many years. Only when she no longer just threatens with divorce but indeed files for it a few days short before his 64th birthday, can he be persuaded by her and the rest of the family to see me.

Hilda is in her mid 50s, with two grown up children no longer living with their parents. She is very unhappy in her marriage, unhappy with her life as a whole; but, for her more importantly, unhappy with her looks. She sees herself as being short (correct), fat (well, yes), frumpy (yes, it's true), and ugly (not true). She is incredibly jealous and is fearful that her husband has a girl friend (not true) and considers divorcing her (not true). She is insecure, has no confidence in herself, she is shy and withdrawn.

Bob and Mary both have been through their respective midlife crises, during which they went through emotional hell.  Bob's business had gone through a terrible slump and was close to going under; they both had formed other relationships and were about to getting divorced.  Now they both are in the 60+ years age group and they resolve to stay together. Business has improved dramatically, their respective other relationships ended. They decide to sell their house and the business, to retire and to move to Spain's Costa del Sol to have "a new start". What they did not know was that any form of change presents problems and challenges, and that a strong bond between the partners is needed to overcome these problems and to face up to the challenges. A strong bond gets even stronger under adverse circumstances; a weak bong gets weaker and can even break. Bob's and Mary's bond was still very weak.

What these examples have in common is that the individuals concerned experienced challenges, real or imagined, before they went into crisis mode. I suggest, therefore, that people do not go through midlife crises if they do not experience challenges, which can indeed be only imagined, and who are content or even happy with their life as a whole.

The best way of dealing with midlife crises and life's challenges is to follow my leitmotif, which is at the core of all my work: change the way you think and change your life.

In case of midlife crisis realize that this crisis is based on your feelings. Accept that you feel that way, do not deny it. Acceptance is the first step to change what you accept. Accept and resolve to make it better. And you make things better by changing the meaning of what is upsetting you. Reframe the circumstances that frustrate you. For example George, the chap in my first example, used his cognitive abilities – his intellect and his logic – to realize that he could not turn back the clock and become a youthful hell raiser again. He changed the meaning that he had given to his meaningless life as he saw it, to something positive and challenging. We created a new challenge for him, which he duly mastered and he runs now his own business with some 20 employees. He has shaved off his beard and sold his Harley.

The other examples that I presented - and many more - were resolved in similar manner. The sequences of how to go about it is accept, resolve, change meaning, and give yourself a meaningful challenge.

  Copyright ©2010 Udo Stadtsbuchler

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Udo Stadtsbuchler is a retired psychotherapist and lives on Spain's Costa del Sol. He is the author of Happiness Discovered.

Read an excerpt of it or buy it at http://www.amazon.com/dp/1451578784

For e-readers go to:  www.smashwords.com/books/view/20529

Follow Udo's blog:  http://udo-mindmatters.blogspot.com

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for people in Midlife. Advice and Guidance is available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join - click here

Resolve Your Mid Life Crisis Now!

Ever felt you are definitely having a midlife crisis but just don't know what to do?
Or, that everything could be fine if someone will just show you how?

Maybe you've already tried a number of things but they just haven't worked.

Or perhaps you just feel like giving up...

I recently came across a fantastic programme called “ How To Stop Your Midlife Crisis...Now!

Gwenn Clayton is the author and tells the story of her own midlife crisis in her introduction.

Gwenn gave up her own career as a very successful business and life coach to become a stay at home mum of two . But alongside giving up her career she also gave up a major part of her identity and her passion in life. Sometimes that's fine, but in her case it was not.

Longing for that missing part of her identity, she finally realised that many of the tools, resources and ideas that she had taught her clients she needed to apply to herself.

The result  was - 'How To Stop Your Midlife Crisis...Now !'  a 32 day step by step e-course. 

Not only did it help her find her way out of her own midlife crisis but it had a powerful effect on the lives of many of her friends too.....

'How to STOP your MIDLIFE CRISIS …NOW' is a powerful, 31 day, step - by - step program designed to help you turn around your own UNIQUE midlife challenges and create midlife success.

Gwen Clayton's program is designed so that you can work through it in the comfort of your own home. A program that will encourage you to take a look at your entire life now and improve the quality of your life overall.

To find out how this program can turn your life around Click Here!

Read how Gwen turned around her own life and how this experience can help you. If you have any kind of midlife crisis, this is the help that you have been seeking.

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for people in Midlife. Advice and Guidance is available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join - click here

Understanding your own Strengths and Weaknesses

We all have our own strengths. Conversely, we also have our own weaknesses. Understanding your strengths and weaknesses is one of the keys to being successful in your life – both your career and your personal life. This is particularly important for people in midlife who are re-evaluating themselves and where they are going to go in the second part of their lives.

Similarly, there are opportunities to be seized and threats to be avoided, if at all possible. The analysis of all of this is known as a SWOT analysis, a Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats analysis. (In fact, most people refer to it as a Strengths, Weaknesses, Threats and Opportunities analysis – this ends on a positive (Opportunities) rather than a negative (Threats). SWTO doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as well, though!)

To carry out the analysis, draw lines to divide a piece of paper into 4 quarters and write Strengths as the heading for the first quarter, Threats as the heading for the second quarter, and so on. You now have 4 sections on the page.

Firstly, think about your strengths. Ask yourself questions like:

·         What do I do better than most people?

·         What do I know that others don’t?

·         What am I good at?

·         What resources can I access?

·         Who is in my network that can assist me?

·         What are my values?

·         What experiences can I draw on?

·         What would my friends say?

·         Etc

Answering these and similar questions will help you to assess your own personal strengths. Write down your answers in the Strengths section of your page.

Now for your weaknesses. It is usual for people to come up with more weaknesses than strengths, so don’t worry if you have a longer list in this section of your page. Questions to ask yourself include?

·         What do I avoid doing?

·         What do others do better than me?

·         What was the reason for mistakes that I made in the past?

·         What scares me?

·         What skills do I need to improve?

·         Which personality traits are my weak points?

·         What would my friends say?

·         Etc

You now have your Strengths and your Weaknesses written down. These are both ‘internal’ to you – you can affect them yourself. 

Opportunities and Threats should be considered as ‘external’ to you – they are products of the environment around you which you can or, more probably, can’t influence.

Thinking about the opportunities open to you:

·         How can my friends, relatives and my network assist me?

·         Is my work sector expanding?

·         Will the growth of the internet help me?

·         How can I benefit from a declining/growing economy?

·         What is happening at my workplace which I can use to my advantage?

·         What mistakes have my competitors made?

·         Can I move more quickly than my competitors?

·         Am I able to relocate?

·         What opportunities exist to upskill?

·         What could I achieve if I went outside of my comfort zone?

·         Etc

Lastly, we look at the threats:

·         Am I working in a competitive environment in which a colleague or competitor could undermine my efforts?

·         Is my company going through a period of change?

·         Will the state of the economy affect me?

·         Could my job be replaced by a machine, or outsourced to India?

·         Do I have a new young manager who discriminates against older employees?

·         Etc

Once you carried out this analysis on yourself you will be in a much better position to move forward objectively. You will understand what you are good at and what you like, whilst acknowledging those areas which need work. You will also be more aware of the opportunities that exist for you – they are there right now, it’s up to you to recognise them and grab them with both hands!

Good luck!

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for people in Midlife. Advice and Guidance is available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join - click here

10 Reasons to Underachieve in Midlife

Are you in Midlife – over 35 maybe (perhaps well over 35) with lots left to offer to the world? You’re keen to make your mark and leave something behind for future generations?

Many people in midlife genuinely want to do something great but most don’t manage to do it. Why is that? What holds them back?

Here are 10 reasons why midlifers might underachieve (feel free to add more below):

• Fear of failure
• Lack of money
• Not wanting to step outside of their comfort zone
• Concern about feeling foolish
• Not sure about their idea
• Underestimating their own abilities
• Don’t know where to start
• Don’t know where to go for help
• Fear of starting but not finishing
• Not having enough time

Each of these reasons is a perfectly valid reason for our midlifer to stay where they are and carry on with their usual routine. They may be perfectly happy, but they will get to the end of their lives and wonder ‘what if?’

As Henry Ford said, ‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.’ (my favourite saying and regulars readers of this blog will have seen me use it before …)

So what’s holding you back? Please let me know and perhaps we can work together to move forward.  Join The Mid Life Opportunity where this will become a major theme when the main site launches at the end of the summer.

You’ve got in you, I’m sure!

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for? Complete the form on the right hand side of this post…Tx

The Mid Life Crossroads

Many people feel as if they have reached a crossroads at some point during their mid life. They can see two (or more) paths in front of them. One path is a continuation of their current life, the other(s) lead off in different directions. The relative size of the paths will dictate which path the Mid Lifer chooses to take. If the current life path looks like a motorway (freeway) and the alternatives look like country lanes, it is likely that our Mid Lifer will continue with their current life.

They might dally for a while down one of the country lanes (change their wardrobe, take an evening class) but their life won’t change dramatically. But if one of the alternatives looks like a motorway, and the current life path looks like a gravel track, then watch out – change is coming. For better or for worse.

It may be a change of career, a new relationship or a full blown mid life crisis.

Seeing the crossroads up ahead can seem quite daunting but it can also be quite liberating, It’s very easy to be ‘stuck in a rut’ and we all know people who are stuck in their own rut. They’re not happy, they moan about most aspects of their life but they are too frightened or lazy to do anything about it. They will be the people who get to the end of their lives and think ‘if only…’

Sometimes the crossroads appear out of nowhere, like driving in the fog. You might be made redundant or your partner might decide that their relationship with you just isn’t working any longer. These crossroads are much more difficult to manage as you don’t feel in control. You feel like ‘flotsam and jetsam’ tossed around by the tide and pitching up on the shore at some point but not the point where you’d like to be.

The important thing is to take the positive view – yes, it’s easier said than done but there is always a positive angle to every situation. If the crossroads is thrust upon you and you suddenly find yourself travelling down a strange road, stop, take stock and regroup.

Understand that you’re not alone. You won’t be the first person to travel down this road (or the last). You will have friends or relatives that can help you. If not, there are self help groups everywhere which you can tap into – the internet is a wonderful, life changing development! The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) has been set up for exactly this reason.

So what is The Mid Life Opportunity?

Yesterday I said that I would explain a little more about the aims of The Mid Life Opportunity. So here goes …

In the UK, there are about 20 million people who would class themselves as ‘middle aged’. As people move through their lives, they are affected in different ways. Success in life brings more choice, a brighter future and the potential of a happy retirement. An unfulfilled life, though, leaves fewer options as we grow older. Finances may be tight, relationships may be under strain or broken, our career may not have peaked at the heights that we hoped for in our younger years. As we grow older, many of us find that spiritualism and religion begins to have more meaning. We may feel the need to emigrate and settle in a new country. Our health may be declining and retirement looms ever nearer – are we prepared for this?

Many people in the middle years of their lives find themselves at a crossroads. 

Big decisions have to be made before it is too late in life to make the changes. For some, the decisions made at this point open up a whole new world of opportunities, greater satisfaction and financial stability. For others, the decisions may not go to plan and a ‘mid life crisis’ develops which can often lead to more wrong decisions and long term decline.

As the decade progresses, many more people will find themselves having to make these crucial decisions, primarily as a result of redundancy, inadequate financial provision or relationship breakdown.

The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) aims to pull together all aspects of ‘mid life’ into one central website and provide stimulation, advice, guidance and support in all these areas. Oh, and a splash of humour to keep everyone amused along the way.

A panel of coaches is being recruited (if you are interested and outside of the UK, you are very welcome to join) to offer the advice and guidance to The Mid Life Opportunity members.

As I said yesterday, we are aiming to go live in August and we will have one of two surprises as part of the launch package – watch this space!

Once again, if you have any questions about me or The Mid Life Opportunity, please ask!

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for?

Please take 1 minute to complete the 2010 Mid Life Survey: Click here

The Female Midlife Crisis

Drinking too much? Feeling worthless? Obsessively shopping? You could be having a FEMALE midlife crisis

This is the headline in a recent article in The Daily Mail written by Lorna Martin. Lorna describes the affect that a midlife crisis has had on two of her friends:

 “A friend was recently made redundant from her high-flying job as a magazine editor. 

Now 39, this is the first time since she left school at 17 that she has not had a job. Unsurprisingly, it has hit her hard. Once confident and outgoing, she now struggles to get out of bed in the morning. 

She used to live to work. It gave her a nice lifestyle, a good social circle, a sense of belonging to something and the means with which to buy an ever-changing wardrobe of designer clothes. Now, she feels she has nothing to live for. 

Another friend, 44, who prioritised family over career, has, at least on the outside, a very enviable life. But with both of her children now away at university, she doesn't quite know what to do with herself. 

She is always asking: 'Is this it?' The last time I met her, she half-jokingly said she'd like to have an affair just to inject a bit of excitement into her life. 

Neither of my friends would appreciate being told this, but I think they're both having a bit of a midlife crisis. A midlife crisis is not just a male thing, and it is only a cliché until you have one.”

 So what does a female midlife crisis look like? Is it an addiction to Botox and plastic surgery in a futile attempt to turn back time and cling on to one's youth? 

Or is it, like Eva Longoria's character in Desperate Housewives, an affair with a teenager? Is it packing everything in and doing a Shirley Valentine? 

For many, it may not be quite as dramatic. Less acute symptoms may be boredom, a feeling of worthlessness, loneliness and lack of meaning, depression and anxiety. Or drinking too much, repeatedly changing jobs or partners, or obsessively shopping but never quite finding the satisfaction you are looking for. 

It could be triggered by divorce, diagnosis of a serious illness, redundancy, an empty nest, the loss of a parent. Or it can just occur, seemingly out of the blue. 

The important question is: Why?

In the midlife crisis, we realise that our basic childhood and adolescent dreams of immortality and specialness have all been a bit of a fantasy. 

And this, essentially, is what a midlife crisis forces us to confront - the harsh realities of adult life. 

No matter how much we compete with each other and no matter how hard we try, the truth is we're all just the same.

It's usually at midlife that we realise life's not quite so simple. We realise the pretty painful fact that bad things happen to good people and vice-versa. 

Although this sounds grim to some, it can be incredibly liberating. It can force us to stop drifting through life. It can make us stop and think carefully about the choices we make, their impact on others and what we want to do with the rest of our journey. 

Once they've begun to recover from the initial crisis, women tend to handle the whole thing as a challenge, even an opportunity. 

 It may not feel like it at the time, but a midlife crisis can be an unexpected gift.

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for?

Please take 1 minute to complete the 2010 Mid Life Survey: Click here

Mid Life Happiness – the 3 Basic Rules

There are 3 basic rules to ensure midlife happiness:


Rule 1: Be happy in your own time
Some people find it hard to accept that they are growing older, they seek perpetual youth.

Some have facelifts, botox injections and other cosmetic surgery to try to keep the ravages of time at bay. This may look very attractive for a time but often ends with the person looking a parody of his or her previous self. ‘Trout pout’ anyone?

Some wear clothes that would look much better on their children (rule 1a – If you are old enough to have worn it when it was in fashion last time around, don’t wear it this time!).

Some people in midlife decide to start again with a younger partner – ‘Cougar’ women take a toyboy, midlife men might opt for a 20 something female with long legs. Whilst this might seem attractive in the short term, once the initial excitement has died down, the couple find themselves living together with little in common. They watched different TV programmes when they were children, they grew up listening to different music and they wore different styles of clothes – they come from different ‘times’ and unless they are very fortunate, they are very unlikely to feel comfortable with each other in the long term.

Rule 2: Be happy in your own skin
We are all born with the hand of cards that we are given. Some will grow up as beautiful people, others won’t. Some will become thought leaders in their spheres, most won’t.

‘Show me the boy and I will show you the man’, a popular saying that rings very true. Most of us don’t change greatly as we get older, we play the hand that we were dealt.

Many people, though, are not happy with the cards that they were dealt and call ‘foul’. Most women are not happy with some aspects of their looks. Some go to great lengths to change their appearance with nose jobs, boob jobs, tummy tucks and all kinds of plastic surgery. This goes far beyond trying to keep their youth (see Rule 1) and is an attempt to change their looks, to give themselves characteristics that they wished they’d been born with.

Whilst some attempts at remodelling your looks can be beneficial, particularly for self-esteem and confidence, it is important to draw the line.

A midlife crisis is often triggered by a person not being able to come to terms with living in their own skin.

Rule 3: Be happy in your own life
Many people feel that they need to ‘fit in’, that they need to conform to a norm with which they aren’t really comfortable. Teenagers, in particular, feel that they must be part of a crowd and fall victim to peer pressure. Their friends all have tattoos, so they feel that they should have tattoos, even if they don’t like them (and will regret having them in later life, particularly if they include someone’s name!)

Midlifers are less inclined to worry about peer pressure but the ‘green-eyed monster’ of jealousy is a very real part of the life of many people in midlife. We all lead different lives and however happy we are, however well off we are, there will always be people who seem to be doing better than us. Some of them will indeed be doing better than us, either because they were dealt a better hand at birth (see Rule 2) or because they work harder than we do (often both).

The grass always seems greener in somebody else’s life. However, when the green-eyed monster rears its head, take a few moments to consider the other aspects of the person’s life – these may not be quite so rosy. Your rich friend may be doing very nicely in the big house, driving the expensive car but behind closed doors their relationship may be falling apart. Their kids might be taking drugs and mixing with the wrong ‘friends’.

Don’t try to ‘keep up with the Jones’ out of jealousy, to make yourself look better or more acceptable to your friends. You may find yourself deeply in debt if you overstretch yourself unnecessarily.

To be happy in your life, accept what you have – but don’t let that stop you from striving to achieve greatness. There is a difference between making the most of your life and trying to live your life imitating someone else.


What do you think? Please leave a comment. Thanks, Rob

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for?

If you would like some help now with aspects of your life, contact Better Life Coaching: www.betterlifecoaching.co.uk

Are you a Mid Life Lark or a Mid Life Owl?

The vast majority of people are either “Morning types” (Larks) or “Evening types” (Owls). This is governed by our own natural body clock and it is not something that we are at liberty to tinker with. You are at your most productive either at the beginning of the day or the end of the day. Some jobs obviously suit particular types. Delivering the post or the morning milk is clearly a job for a Morning Type. Working in a nightclub is not! If you're thinking of changing your job or you are actively job hunting, being aware of whether you are a Lark or an Owl is important. You haven't changed your type during your working life to date and you're unlikely to change in the future.

You need to organise your working day around your type. If you are a Morning type, then plan your main tasks for the beginning of the day. It will be fatal to leave important (but possibly unappealing tasks) until after lunch. The afternoon will arrive, you will look at the task and decide that “as I am a Morning type, I’ll leave this until tomorrow morning.” Taken to its logical conclusion, tomorrow never comes and you can find yourself putting the task off until it is really too late.

If you are an Evening type you should plan those important tasks for later in the day. You should also arrange your meetings at this time when you are at your most productive and most alert. Start the day with the routine tasks that don’t require a lot of brainpower. But beware of falling in to the trap of concentrating on the easy (and possibly more enjoyable) tasks throughout the whole day. This may sound simple but just take a moment to think about some of your recent working days. Have you been as productive as you should have been? If not, have you tried to address tasks at the wrong time of the day with predictable outcomes?

When you are thinking about your Mid Life career move, try to uncover the culture of the company that you are considering working for. In order for you to be happy in a new role, the culture of the company has to map to your own. If you're a morning person you will want to arrive at work early. If you find yourself working in a culture where nobody leaves until the boss has gone home in the evening, you may not thrive!

The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for?

If you would like some help now with aspects of your life, contact Better Life Coaching: www.betterlifecoaching.co.uk