Your Midlife Happiness – the 3 Basic Rules

The 3 Basic Rules to Ensure Your Midlife Happiness

Rule 1: Be happy in your own Skin

We are all born with the hand of cards that we are given. Some will grow up as beautiful people, others won’t. Some will become thought leaders in their spheres, most won’t.

‘Show me the boy and I will show you the man’, a popular saying that rings very true. Most of us don’t change greatly as we get older, we play the hand that we were dealt.

Many people, though, are not happy with the cards that they were dealt and call ‘foul’. Most women (and quite a few men) are not happy with some aspects of their looks. Some go to great lengths to change their appearance with nose jobs, boob jobs, tummy tucks and all kinds of plastic surgery. This goes far beyond trying to keep their youth (see Rule 2) and is an attempt to change their looks, to give themselves characteristics that they wished they’d been born with.

Whilst some attempts at remodelling your looks can be beneficial, particularly for self-esteem and confidence, it is important to draw the line.

A midlife crisis is often triggered by a person not being able to come to terms with living in their own skin.

Rule 2: Be happy in your own Time

Some people find it hard to accept that they are growing older, they seek perpetual youth.

Some have facelifts, botox injections and other cosmetic surgery to try to keep the ravages of time at bay. This may look very attractive for a time but often ends with the person looking a parody of his or her previous self. ‘Trout pout’ anyone?

Some wear clothes that would look much better on their children (rule 1a – If you are old enough to have worn it when it was in fashion last time around, don’t wear it this time!).

Some people in midlife decide to start again with a younger partner – ‘Cougar’ women take a toyboy, midlife men might opt for a 20 something female with long legs. Whilst this might seem attractive in the short term, once the initial excitement has died down, the couple find themselves living together with little in common. They watched different TV programmes when they were children, they grew up listening to different music and they wore different styles of clothes – they come from different ‘times’ and unless they are very fortunate, they are very unlikely to feel comfortable with each other in the long term.

Rule 3: Be happy in your own Life

Many people feel that they need to ‘fit in’, that they need to conform to a norm with which they aren’t really comfortable. Teenagers, in particular, feel that they must be part of a crowd and fall victim to peer pressure. Their friends all have tattoos, so they feel that they should have tattoos, even if they don’t like them (and will regret having them in later life, particularly if they include someone’s name!)

Midlifers are less inclined to worry about peer pressure but the ‘green-eyed monster’ of jealousy is a very real part of the life of many people in midlife. We all lead different lives and however happy we are, however well off we are, there will always be people who seem to be doing better than us. Some of them will indeed be doing better than us, either because they were dealt a better hand at birth (see Rule 1) or because they work harder than we do (often both).

The grass always seems greener in somebody else’s life. However, when the green-eyed monster rears its head, take a few moments to consider the other aspects of the person’s life – these may not be quite so rosy. Your rich friend may be doing very nicely in the big house, driving the expensive car but behind closed doors their relationship may be falling apart. Their kids might be taking drugs and mixing with the wrong ‘friends’.

Don’t try to ‘keep up with the Jones’ out of jealousy, to make yourself look better or more acceptable to your friends. You may find yourself deeply in debt if you overstretch yourself unnecessarily.

To be happy in your life, accept what you have – but don’t let that stop you from striving to achieve greatness. There is a difference between making the most of your life and trying to live your life imitating someone else.

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for? Join here FREE!

Please take 1 minute to complete the 2010 Mid Life Survey: Click here

What is a Billion?

A Billion

A short but to the point post today:

What is a billion? The US definition is 1,000,000,000 or a thousand million. This is generally the definition which is used by politicians and bankers so when you read that the UK national debt is currently £160 billion, that’s a hundred and sixty thousand million pounds. It makes me wonder why I bother worrying about my overdraft!

The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

• A billion seconds ago it was 1959. 
• A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive. 
• A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. 
• A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth. 
• A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate the government is spending it. 

The last point is US focused, but you get the idea – a billion £/$/Euro is a hell of a lot of money!

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for? Join here FREE!

Please take 1 minute to complete the 2010 Mid Life Survey: Click here

The Ospreys in Scotland

A digression from midlife today....

An Osprey souring on the breeze is a wonderful sight which, until recently was a very rare sight indeed in Britain. They were extinct from 1916 until 1954 when a breeding pair arrived in Scotland from Scandinavia. By 1976 there were 14 breeding pairs of Ospreys, all within Scotland. By 2001, the number of breeding pairs had risen to over 150 and the Osprey now also nests in England and Wales, as well as Scotland.

Much of this success has been down to conservationists who have protected the nests from egg thieves and vermin.

The link below shows a webcam which is set up to stream live coverage of one of the Osprey’s nests. At the time of writing, there are two chicks in the nest which hatched during the third week of May 2010.

http://www.thewebbroadcastingcorporation.com/swt/swt.php

If you take the time to read the second link below, you will see that this is no ordinary pair of Ospreys! The female is at least 25 years old and has been returning to her nest for the last 20 years.

http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/nature/the-many-happy-returns-of-the-worlds-oldest-osprey-1926989.html

What happened after this article was written is even more interesting, although somewhat sad. The female Osprey’s usual partner did not return from Africa this year – it is presumed that he died, probably of old age. So what did the 25 year old female do? She found a toyboy! A 10 year old male Osprey is now her mate, the first time it is thought that he has bred. If you read the Osprey blog, you will see that he has not been fulfilling his husbandly duties very well but the female is slowly whipping him into shape …

A truly heart warming story.

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for?

Please take 1 minute to complete the 2010 Mid Life Survey: Click here

Surviving the Recession - Midlife Lessons from Nature

Many parts of the world regularly suffer from drought and famine and the local people and wildlife adopt well rehearsed strategies in order to survive:

• They use their resources sparingly
• They may migrate to regions which have more abundance. The annual migration of the wildebeest in Africa is one of best known examples of this.
• They understand and anticipate the side effects. These may range from an increase in disease or plagues of mosquitoes and locusts, to a rise in food prices (exacerbating the situation) and on to land degradation, bush fires and ultimately,  social conflict and widespread death and destruction
• They adapt, as best they can, to their new, temporary environment
• They take advantage of unexpected opportunities – crocodiles and lions wait in ambush for the migrating wildebeest
• Outside agencies attempt to alleviate the problems or at least, reduce the effects – Aid Agencies and other NGOs offer food and shelter in the worst effected regions.

As the economic recession continues, what lessons can we, in midlife, learn from the natural world?

• They use their resources sparingly – This lesson has obviously been learned by most of us. Spending is down (which is, of course, deepens the recession), many people are overpaying their mortgages every month and credit card debt is being paid off faster than before. ‘Eating In’ is the new ‘Going Out’ and the large supermarkets and take away chains are the main beneficiaries. In the workplace, budgets are being cut and we are all asked to ‘do more with less’.
• They may migrate to regions which have more abundance – Many people will look around for a new job, either at home or abroad. You will have many transferable skills that you’ve gained during your working life (make a list of them, you’ll be surprised) so don’t be afraid to look around for a better position.
• They understand and anticipate the side effects – The side effects, of course, of a recession include redundancies, and longer working hours for those who survive the cull. Personal relationships may suffer as a result of this and you must recognise if this is becoming an issue in your own relationships, both at work and (more importantly) at home.
• They adapt, as best they can, to their new, temporary environment – this point is absolutely key to your survival during this recession. Here are some thoughts for your consideration:

1. Network

Make sure you get to know as many managers as possible in your organisation and make sure they know who you are. This means getting outside of your own department!

2. Operate above your payscale

Offer suggestions to your boss, offer to make presentations at departmental meetings. Take the initiative and start (or carry on) doing things that your boss should be doing but for which you can take responsibility.

3. Make yourself indispensable

Help your line manager as much as you can. If you’ve moved around in your organisation, offer to help those who are currently working in an area where you’ve worked previously (without annoying them, of course).

4. Go the extra mile

If your line manager asks you to help him/her prepare for a board meeting, for example, go the extra mile and prepare some presentation slides too. They may not be the finished article but it’s much easier to finesse something that already exists than to start with a blank piece of paper.

5. Socialise with your colleagues

Integrate with your colleagues. Go for a drink after work. Get involved in societies and clubs. You never know who you might meet and the deeper you dig yourself into the fabric of the organisation, the more difficult it becomes to do without you.

·         They take advantage of unexpected opportunities – If your line manager leaves, for whatever reason, you may find yourself running the team in a ‘holding capacity’. Take the initiative and do more than just ‘hold the fort’. Make your own decisions and add your own stamp to the team. In times of recession, it is more likely that you will be offered the job permanently, if you show promise, rather than recruiting externally.

Budget cuts may also offer opportunities for you to develop skills which are currently under-utilised. Perhaps you know something about web design and you could offer to look after the company’s web development. Perhaps you could offer to be a mentor or a ‘sounding board’ for new employees?

Outside agencies attempt to alleviate the problems or at least, reduce the effects – In the business world, the government(s) is responsible for tackling the recession. They do this in a number of ways. Currently, interest rates are extremely low. If you have a mortgage that’s not on a fixed rate, overpay your monthly payments. You will be pleasantly surprised how this affects the length of your mortgage term. If you are on a fixed rate mortgage, check out how much you will pay in redemption fees to move to a Tracker mortgage. This may be worth your while.

Haggle! If you’re buying something over and above the usual weekly shopping, ask for a deal. You’ll often get something off the price – it all helps!

There are many survival lessons to be learned from the natural world and a whole lot more that apply in our world. The most important lesson of all is that in YOUR life, it’s up to YOU – Nobody’s going to do it for you!

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for?

Please take 1 minute to complete the 2010 Mid Life Survey: Click here

The Mid Life Survey

How do you feel about your life? Are you happy in your relationships? Is your career going well? Are you saving enough for your retirement? Do you have any pertinent observations that you would like to share with the rest of us?

The Mid Life Survey is a short survey – only 7 questions – which has been running since last month. It is designed to give a snapshot of how midlifers (and others) are feeling about aspects of their lives today.

I will be publishing the results to date in my last blog post in June, so regular readers will be able to agree or disagree with the findings.

Can I please ask you to take 1 minute to complete the survey (link below) – about 100 people have completed it so far and I’d like to double that number by the end of June.

So far, 61% of the respondents are from the UK, 24% from the USA, 2% from Canada, 9% from mainland Europe and 4% are from Asia. Let’s see how that changes during June!

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for?

Please take 1 minute to complete the 2010 Mid Life Survey: Click here

So what is The Mid Life Opportunity?

Yesterday I said that I would explain a little more about the aims of The Mid Life Opportunity. So here goes …

In the UK, there are about 20 million people who would class themselves as ‘middle aged’. As people move through their lives, they are affected in different ways. Success in life brings more choice, a brighter future and the potential of a happy retirement. An unfulfilled life, though, leaves fewer options as we grow older. Finances may be tight, relationships may be under strain or broken, our career may not have peaked at the heights that we hoped for in our younger years. As we grow older, many of us find that spiritualism and religion begins to have more meaning. We may feel the need to emigrate and settle in a new country. Our health may be declining and retirement looms ever nearer – are we prepared for this?

Many people in the middle years of their lives find themselves at a crossroads. 

Big decisions have to be made before it is too late in life to make the changes. For some, the decisions made at this point open up a whole new world of opportunities, greater satisfaction and financial stability. For others, the decisions may not go to plan and a ‘mid life crisis’ develops which can often lead to more wrong decisions and long term decline.

As the decade progresses, many more people will find themselves having to make these crucial decisions, primarily as a result of redundancy, inadequate financial provision or relationship breakdown.

The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) aims to pull together all aspects of ‘mid life’ into one central website and provide stimulation, advice, guidance and support in all these areas. Oh, and a splash of humour to keep everyone amused along the way.

A panel of coaches is being recruited (if you are interested and outside of the UK, you are very welcome to join) to offer the advice and guidance to The Mid Life Opportunity members.

As I said yesterday, we are aiming to go live in August and we will have one of two surprises as part of the launch package – watch this space!

Once again, if you have any questions about me or The Mid Life Opportunity, please ask!

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for?

Please take 1 minute to complete the 2010 Mid Life Survey: Click here

Introduction to me and The Mid Life Opportunity

Those of you who have been following my recent posts about various aspects of midlife may be surprised to see an increase in my output over the coming weeks. I should explain that I have joined the June 30 Day Blog Challenge, which requires me to post 30 articles during the month of June!

This is the first post in June and I will use it to introduce myself to the other members of the 30 Day Challenge and to bring my regular readers up to date with progress on The Mid Life Opportunity. So what about me and what is The Mid Life Opportunity?

My name is Rob Horlock and I live in The New Forest which is in Hampshire in the UK. You may have come across The New Forest before as it’s one of the few places in England where ponies, cattle, donkeys and pigs wander freely – including across the roads!

I am the founder of The Mid Life Opportunity, a community website for people in midlife. I will tell you more about the aims of The Mid Life Community in my next post (which will be tomorrow …) The website is currently being built and I’m hoping to have my first look at the CRM system next week – exciting! I will then be able to start populating the website pages. We are aiming to go live in August 2010 which is getting ever closer.

If you would like to know a little more about The Mid Life Opportunity and how it can help midlifers everywhere, we have a holding page on the site – www.MidLifeOp.com

My posts during the coming month will be a mixture of articles relating to midlife and some of my observations about life in general.

That’s about it for today. If you have any questions about me or The Mid Life Opportunity, please ask!

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The Mid Life Opportunity (www.MidLifeOp.com) is a community for Mid Lifers. Advice and Guidance will soon be available from The Mid Life Coaching Panel. It’s free to join so what are you waiting for? Click here

Please take 1 minute to complete the 2010 Mid Life Survey: Click here